 She held space for me. She asked if I would let her receive me. She said, “You’ve done this for me, you do this for others, and I want you to have the experience of being seen, received and loved for the beauty that YOU are.”
I said yes and she received me. She received the pain, the shame, the hurt, the years of shoving everything down, all of the resentment that couldn’t come up because I was so busy trying to make sure everyone else was ok. Then the anger came up. The rage. Then the disgust that was so extreme I would’ve torn through concrete with my bare hands. And she took it all and yelled for more...and I gave more. And then I cried. And she held me in that space. Then, I held space for myself. Lying on the floor, as I purged as much as I could. For 3 days. The pain, the hurt, the anger...it had a beauty to it this time. And I found peace in that moment. This is why I hold space for you.
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 I held space for her...because she asked. I have done this many times for many people, but this was different...she knew the level of rage she had to release, she knew how deep the hurt and anger was and what it would take to let it go, and she asked for me to hold the the space for her for that to happen. And I did.
There was nothing to "do" except bring my stillness and my depth, to extend my energetic space...not to envelop her, but to establish a container that was safe for her. We looked each other in the eyes, and she unleashed. She screamed, she cried, she got in my face, she pulled at my clothes, she fell to the floor...and I looked her in the eyes and said, "I got you," and she let go even more. She released more. She went deeper as I rooted deeper into the earth, never losing connection, never having any consideration other than being fully present and connected for her. I don't know if it was 20 minutes or an hour, but eventually, everything that could get out, did. And everything that needed to be expressed, was. We sat in silence. We honored the space. We found each other's tear-filled eyes, and we both said "Thank you." This was as healing an experience for me as it was for her. When we can drop the need to fix, when we can get past the judgement that there is something wrong, and when we can just BE with each other...be with ALL of each other...we rediscover the truth: That We Are One. Her healing was my healing, and our healing was your healing. <3 Matthew |
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